


The Journal Series

by TiffanyF



Series: I swear [13]
Category: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-04
Updated: 2013-02-03
Packaged: 2017-11-28 04:08:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 11,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/670108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TiffanyF/pseuds/TiffanyF
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While Gil is gone on his trip the boys decide to keep journals of their thoughts. Set in the "I swear" universe. I don't own anything CSI related and am only playing around.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gil

05JAN07

Having just passed through ten thousand feet on our way up into the night sky and, to me, mental freedom and stimulation at it's finest. I put on my headphones and struggled for a moment to recall the lessons Greg gave me on my new MP3 player. The soothing tones of the great masters soon fill my mind with images as always but I find something new inside my musical world. It is a thought as melancholy as the music, I have left my heart and soul in Vegas. My two beautiful, vibrant lovers, partners, husbands? Most likely as I consider the weight of the ring on my left hand. So unnatural to be wearing jewelry of any kind and yet it comforts me.

The only thing I am certain of is that I want to return to Nick and Greg, my mischievous and creative boys. Nicky, my actor, who managed to convince everyone at the lab I wasn't come home and used the excuse to hug me in the middle of the lab. He felt so good and it was all I could do to remain passive but he didn't see what I saw; David Hodges staring at us. I had to be cold and impersonal with Nicky, who looked so embarrassed when he pulled back, my words no doubt echoing through his mind: "I'll be back in four weeks, Nick; stop hugging me."

I about had a heart attack when his arms wrapped around me in my office later, his voice whispering in my ear, "do you really want me to stop hugging you, Gil?" I knew how dangerous it was but I turned in his arms and possessed his mouth with my own. "Never, Nicky," I whispered, pulling his groin into closer contact with my own. "Not as long as I'm still breathing." He kissed me then and told me to be sure to be ready to go home on time.

Of all the workplace good-byes I think Jim was by far the hardest. His heart was so recently broken and I worry he'll start drinking again. I asked Nick and Greg to keep an eye on him and I know they will. And I promised Jim to come back if he needs me but I know he won't call. Jim is too much like I was, once, before my lovers came into my life.

Everyone at the lab will be fine. My students, all of them, even Catherine. Sara was bitter and distant but as I believe she still harbors feelings for me I'm not surprised. I know what all the women and maybe some of the men think; this is a midlife crisis but it's more than that. I'm starting to question my own judgment at interpreting and reading evidence. I'm the walking text book, the guru of the lab and only two know hot much it hurts me when a case goes sour, when someone dies because I made a mistake. And I look around the lab and see equals not students; not even my Greg. My young love is smarter than he gives himself credit for, most of the time, and will fly through the CSI levels as I did. My only concern is his upcoming court trial and my broken promise to him. I gave him the best advice I could and I know I confused him at the lab but he remembers well that those walls have ears.

And now to think, lessons to plan, and a life path to choose. I want to make the right choice. I want to do what's right for not only me but my Nicky and Greggo. My life for so long was work and not it's them. They're all that matter any more and I'm not sure I've really been able to get that fact across to them. M eyes fall on my ring, my wedding ring(?) and then close for a moment as a remember the silky texture of Nick's hair, that he won't regrow no matter how I beg, and the texture and vanilla taste of Greg's lips. I repeat to myself that I won't let anything happen to them if I can prevent it. Four more hours and I can call them. I miss them both so much already, my heart and soul.


	2. Nick

Jan 4, 2007

Cath was so pissed at Gil and it was all I could do not to laugh. Gods, everyone at the labs known something was going on but her; hell, Hodges even got Gil a sweatshirt. There were tears in Gil's eyes when he told us the story, how Hodges put his foot in his mouth again. Greg thought it was so funny and I teased Gil about the case of hero worship he had going on. I'd forgotten Gil knows how ticklish I am and how much he loves revenge.

And then Cath fishing for answers on our road trip. She knows about me and Gil and I had so much fun trying to convince her that he's got a girlfriend and he was leaving the lab forever. Somehow I don't think she believed me.

I don't know how I feel about her taking over as supervisor while Gil's gone. Its better her than this new dude they've got coming in but I've just got a feeling. I'm going to be watching out for my Greggo; some would say I'm the more vulnerable, the more naÃ¯ve, even with everything that's happened to me, but it's really him. He's been sheltered and now he's doing field work without his folks' support. I know how hard that is and I promised Gil I'd talk to Greg about that.

So many promises to Gil, all of them I mean to keep; watching over Jim, to take care of Greg, to try and get some communication going with Greg's folks, to keep a positive attitude at the lab and to call if the nightmares come back. Not just Greg's, mine too. If I didn't love the man so much I'd feel like a five-year-old.

And then I had to push it at the lab, hugging Gil in the middle of the hall right in front of his office. I'm probably the only one who heard the under tones in his voice and saw how dark his eyes were. I felt like a dork until I was able to sneak into his office and hug him for real. The heat in his eyes and passion in his voice were unlike anything I've heard from him. I felt possessed, owned, in a way I never have before.

Greg and I didn't tell Gil, we don't want to influence his decisions any, but we've been researching other labs near the major universities. I think Gil would want to teach full time and Greg says he thinks Vegas will be the home base for a full time consulting job. Or Gil may just retire to research and write full time. We won't know for sure until he comes home.

One other thing is this big ass box addressed to Gil that's sitting on his desk that came in after he'd left. I'm going to mention it when he calls, see if he'll give me permission to open it. I think it has to be important but I doubt anyone will want to touch it before Gil comes home in four long weeks.


	3. Greg

5/1/7

This is supposed to be for me to record my thoughts while Gil is gone and I will but I want to get a written record of his last night with us while it's still so fresh in my mind. And then I'll email a copy of the video and this to Gil so he'll have something to keep him warm up in all the snow.

Nicky and I planned the night for a month, ever since Gil told us he wanted time away to think. He swore it wasn't us he wanted to separate from but his rut, his routine, his lab life. I know how much Gil's been hurting and how much he's been hiding it to help me recover from my own ordeals.

So, anyway, we (Nicky and me) did some research online and planned a seduction that would put those trash writers to shame. Silk and satin sheets for our beds, new oils to be mixed in with my vanilla and lavender if we wanted, and a cock ring. I've never seen Nick quite that shade of red before, such an innocent boy, but we wanted to push Gil past his limits and he's only human. I was able to sneak out of the lab early to go home to set everything up. I tried to replicate my first time, only more so, and then waited by the front door for my lovers to get home.

Gil didn't even struggle when I slipped the blindfold on him. I'd been handling the oils and knew he could smell them. He took my hands, trusting me to lead him to the bedroom. I treasured his gasp when he saw the room and the kiss he gave me, pulling my body in to his and devouring my mouth. I could feel his hands unbuttoning my shirt and had to pull away. It was so hard, I love kissing Gil and I have to go so long without tasting him. I whispered that the night was for him and Nicky and I had some very specific plans for him.

Nicky shut the door behind him and walked over to Gil, latching onto his neck, marking him. Gil cried out and arched back against Nick, hands flying to his hips for support. I smiled as I started unbuttoning Gil's shirt, his neck is so incredibly soft and sensitive and Nicky loves it. He'd wanted to see if he could make Gil come by just sucking on his neck but didn't want to send him off looking like the victim of a sex maniac. Gil didn't know which way to move when I bit down on the other side of his neck.

"Bed," Nick whispered, lapping at Gil's neck, obviously not wanting to leave it alone just yet. "Let's get him naked, Greggo."

It wasn't long before we had our lover in the middle of the bed, resting on our new deep blue sheets, his eyes almost black as he watched us strip. It wasn't until Nick picked to the new toy that Gil seemed uncomfortable. I couldn't blame him, we'd never ventured down this path before.

"We want to make you fly, Gil," Nick whispered, strapping the cock ring onto his older lover's thick erection. "We want you to float and we need you to relax and trust us."

"Okay, Nicky," Gil whispered, hand rubbing over the short brown bristles. "I wish you'd grow your hair out again, I miss it so much."

"Maybe I will," Nick said. He stood next to me and started stripping. "Maybe I'll look like Greggo when you come home."

I snorted and climbed onto the bed, already naked. "You wouldn't look nearly as sexy," I said, ducking as he tried to hit the back of my head. "Hey, this is supposed to be about Gil."

Nick joined us and stretched out on Gil's right while I did the same on his left. We started kissing his face, moving in sync as we kissed down to his wonderful blue eyes, over his cheeks and his nose. I felt Gil's hips arching up off the bed as we both kissed his mouth, our tongues snaking out to taste him. "Shhh," Nick said, soothing Gil. "We're here to take care of you, just relax and enjoy. You'll need something to remember while you're gone. Remember how much we love you."

We started kissing him again, moving down along his soft neck to his shoulders, to his collar bones and chest and nipples. He moaned more deeply that I've ever heard before when Nicky and I each took a nipple in our mouths and started sucking and worrying them between our teeth. Then he started talking but neither Nick nor I could understand what he was saying. His hands came up and tangled in my hair and caressed over Nick's head. Maybe I would have to talk Nicky into growing his hair back out again, if only for Gil.

"Get the oil," Nick whispered to me. "Let's give him something he'll really remember."

I nodded and reached for the bottle of vanilla oil I'd put on my pillow. I didn't dare use lavender because Nicky always complained about smelling like a girl and nothing I ever said would change his mind about it. I, on the other hand, loved the way is smelled and Gil knew that so he always bought the oil bottles in pairs. I'd hidden a small pillow of lavender or vanilla in his suitcase so he'd have something that smelled like us while he was away. 

"Do you want to take Greg?" Nick asked. "Feel yourself buried in his body one more time?"

"Yes," Gil replied, his voice almost a whisper. "Please."

"Watch," Nick said, letting his breath ghost over Gil's ear. He waited until Gil's glazed eyes settled on them before slicking up his fingers and starting to prepare me. I moaned and pressed back against Nick's hand, the moans coming from my throat in waves. It all felt so good and it was over much too soon. Nick got me into position and Gil thrust home, filling me and ripping a cry from my throat. Gil's hand came down to rest on my chest and mine flew to it like they were magnetized. I felt his hips slam into me harder and knew that Nick had taken Gil from behind.

For a while we let sensations rule our bodies until both Nick and I came. I could feel the tension in Gil's body as Nick and I cleaned him up. "What do you think, Nick, should we let him go now?" I asked, rubbing one of Gil's nipples. "Or should we give him some more pleasure first?"

"What would you like, Gil?" Nick asked. A shuddering moan was his only answer; Gil was too far gone to reply.

"Let me take him," I said. "And then let him go."

Nick nodded and moved around into position, knowing that as the youngest of the group, I had the fastest recovery time. I slid into Gil's body, home, and started thrusting slowly, wanting to let the pleasure last. But deep down I knew it couldn't and Gil was truly leaving us. I just wanted everything done so he could come home again. So he could be safe with us once more. Nick flipped open the ring a moment before I climaxed so Gil and I could come together.


	4. Gil 2

07Jan07 

My cold and barren apartment, no more than a glorified dorm room but as so many have noticed it's not my surroundings that matter, it's what I see in my mind. The first thing I did was unpack and connect my laptop to check my email. My wild-haired imp sent me a video of our last night together and I felt myself grow hard as I watched my beautiful boys. I miss them so much and I can't help but wonder, again, if I made the right decision leaving Vegas.

I put a Bach CD on the laptop so the house wasn't so quiet and started to unpack my things. Suits and ties, professional attire and I hate it so much. I'd rather wear my dress shirts and slacks but that's not professional enough for teaching. I need to sit down and review my notes, my first class is in the next couple of days, orientation is tomorrow. And at the bottom of my large suitcase I found a pillow I didn't pack. But the smell gives it away, lavender and vanilla; from my Greg. I put it on the bed so I can smell it when I sleep.

I stored my books and notes and put the suitcases in the closet. It's remarkable, I've been in so many houses in my life, so many crime scenes and I never noticed before how different places can feel. Nevyn seems to miss his brother and has taken to lying on the sofa until I want to go out.

And I suppose I need to figure out where my life took this downward turn, when this burnout started. I really didn't want to admit to this weakness, to anyone, especially not myself or my lovers but they, of course, figured it out. I trained them too well. Nick did what he could; taking me on vacation but it still wasn't enough. Their love can do a lot but apparently it cannot heal me.

The weather outside mirrors my mood all too well. It reminds me of Minnesota a little too much and I do miss the warmth of Vegas. I can feel the cold digging into my bones. But, as always, the cold seems to focus my mind and make it easier for me to think.

I do know that the whole case with Ernie Dell wasn't the problem, at least not right away. I welcomed the challenge of an intelligent mind, much like Holmes and Moriarty, and the details were fascinating. But once I came face to face with him, everything changed. I'm still not sure how he came by my email address to send me the link to his web cam. Nick and Greg were extremely concerned when they found me in my office. That's what prompted the vacation to Cabo and exactly how Nicky pulled that off I don't know. I'm also not sure how he found that totally deserted strip of beach but making love with Nick and Greg under the stars was one of our most intense and powerful moments.

The worse case was the one with Fisher. I've always had a low tolerance for anyone who harms children in any way but that case struck a chord with me. I think that's where I really started to question myself. Was there something more I could have done to bring those boys home safely? I know and have always known exactly how deadly second guessing can be in my world and for some reason I just can't stop it this time around. My mind keeps running through my failures and it's almost like a movie playing over and over every time I close my eyes. Not even complete and total satiation after making love to Nicky and Greg can shut my mind down. For the first time in my life I don't know what to do.


	5. Nick 2

Jan 18, 2007

It's almost unreal that Gil's gone, his office is locked and we've got a new CSI on our shift. I'm still not sure what I think of this dude; he was jumping all over the place when he, Catherine, Sara and I were reviewing cases for their 419. I could tell Catherine was getting a little annoyed with him because he was making assumptions rather than following the evidence. I just love how much Gil's permeated into our minds at work, his words leading us even when he's gone. It almost made me laugh but I kept myself under control because I'm still not sure of Catherine being the supervisor. But I know if I say anything right now it'll look weird and everyone will assume it's because I was Gil's student and am loyal to him.

When I spoke to Gil last he said to leave the box in his office alone for now. He has no idea what it is or could be but reasoned it had been checked coming into the building so it's not a danger to the lab. His words, not mine. I reminded him how hot I think he is when he slips into lecture mode and that I'd show up in his class just to hear him talk. He said as long as I wasn't under his desk, that's just fine.

I will admit to being a little concerned about how Gil's going to take to this Michael character. I heard someone say he's going to be on days and we're just "breaking him in" but Gil tends not to like anyone who doesn't follow the evidence. My other concern, and if it wasn't for their friendship this would be keeping me up days, is that Catherine isn't going to want to let Gil have his job back. I know there have been times when he's butted heads with Gil in the past and Gil just let them go, always looking out for the lab rather than his own heart. It's not hard to see why so many people think Gil's a heartless machine. But Greg and I know better, Gil's got a big heart and I think, deep down, that's what the real issue is here. He's starting to feel the cases affecting him in a way they never have before and he just doesn't know how to deal with it. Greg and I are probably to blame for that; we've taught him how to love and about life and it's changed him. I will admit, however, that when I was his student he was a lot more open and carefree than he is now but I still got the feeling that every case he worked affected him no matter how hard he worked to hide it. He worked so hard for so long to keep everyone out before Greg and I broke through his walls. I almost wish we'd had the video camera back then because our first night is a memory I really love. Gods I miss Gil.

I saw Jim for a bit today at work and he's going back to his "hey I'm fine routine" and I told him flat that I didn't buy it. He tried to brush me off but I reminded him I'm used to dealing with Gil and it wasn't going to work. I wanted to see how he was really doing so I dragged him to the house for breakfast. He, at least, waited until the coffee was poured before telling Greg and me that we were overreacting and he was fine. Greg was cooking hamburgers on his indoor grill as it was raining and he commented that if Jim really was fine he wouldn't be protesting so much. I agreed that it was a good act but we knew better and all we really wanted to know was if Jim wanted to talk. He gave me a look so like Gil that I started laughing.

Jim told us that Gil had called to check up on him already and one baby-sitter was plenty. I guess there're some things that Jim will only tell Gil, probably because they're so close in age, and this is one of them. I'm not going to push but I'm still going to watch. I was a little surprised when Jim said Gil called because Gil's said he wants as little contact with work as possible, well, with anyone other than Greg and me. He said we're in his thoughts constantly and he could no more hide from us as run away. I pointed out that was sappy and he just said he loved me and asked to talk to Greg. I love the man but he can be so trying at times.


	6. Gil 3

10JAN07

It's a pleasure to be back in the classroom again, I've always loved teaching; seeing the light of understanding in another's eyes. I just know my lack of people skills hinders me in one-on-one instruction. I know I almost killed Nick with the silk riddle and maybe it wasn't totally fair of me to spring it on him like that but I know it made him reevaluate why he was a CSI and that's exactly what I wanted him to do. I wanted him to start using his talents and start questioning what he saw every day and now he does it so well. I'm so proud of him. Of all my general students he's the best. And he's still such a tender-hearted people person even after everything that's happened to him over the years. He amazes me every day.

The question in the back of my mind is do I want to try and find a full time teaching position? I know if I let the rumor out that I was looking I'd have my pick of universities and cities. But is that what I really want to do? Do I want to tie myself to a classroom and teach the same things over and over again? I admit the idea doesn't really appeal to me. The other option involved with leaving the lab is consulting full time, using my house in Vegas as my base and traveling to where I'm needed. I could also teach my seminars and short courses if I did this, help others learn a variety of crime scene techniques. But could I stand to be away from Vegas as much as that would require? Nicky accused me of getting sappy and maybe I am, I could be getting sentimental in my old age but I didn't realize how hard it would be to be separated like this.

My third viable option is to figure out exactly when and why everything started to go sour on me, to review my cases for the past year and try to determine why, after a lifetime of death and evidence I'm suddenly so tired. Just so very tired.


	7. Gil 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The whole thing with Catherine and Jim is my creation. You guys didn't miss anything on the show. *grin*

11JAN07

I woke up in my desk chair around midnight, my journal in my lap where I fell asleep writing. I am definitely too old to sleep sitting up, my back has been protesting even thought I moved to my bed for the rest of the night. When my alarm went off at seven, a horrible hour for me to have to actually wake up, I was lying on my side curled around the pillow that Greg sent me. Even though I knew they were at the lab I called Nick's cell phone. He told me about a large box that's sitting on my desk. He wanted to know if I knew what was in it and if he should open it. I told him to leave it alone for now but I will admit to a certain curiosity about what's in it. I haven't ordered anything that would be delivered to the lab nor do I have any friends or family who would send a package to the lab. It almost has to be related to a case but which case and who sent it? In retrospect, maybe I should have asked Nick to open it.

I also spoke with Jim as I was walking to class. It's not his fault he had to fall so hard for Catherine; if I wasn't gay I'd probably be battling feelings for her as well. She is a very attractive woman, probably every man in the department and lab would agree with that statement, but she definitely has a bitch side to her. But that's still no reason for her to slap Jim when he asked her to breakfast. He showed up at my place while Greg and I were at least attempting to cook dinner. Our version of cooking involves no shirts and lots of touching and kissing. It was Nick's voice from the door greeting Jim that broke Greg and me apart, although there was nothing we could do about not having shirts, those were upstairs. But it was pretty obvious that Jim didn't even notice. He just sank into one of the kitchen chairs and that's when I first noticed the purpling bruise on his face.

"Jim, what happened?" I asked, sitting down next to him.

"I asked," he replied, probably not wanting Nicky and Greg to know exactly what was going on. "Then I came here; it was either that or one of the bars."

If it wasn't for the fact that Jim needed my support right then I would have gone to Catherine's and asked her what the hell was going through her mind acting like that with Jim. It was just one more thing for me to put off until I was home again and I'll admit I'm concerned about Jim. His interest in Catherine was the first time I remember him even contemplating dating since I've known him.

So when I spoke to him he told me he's fine and working as hard as ever. When I pressed he admitted it's been a little weird working around Catherine but she's acting like nothing happened so he's doing the same. I almost told him about a young lab tech that's been watching him for at least a year but Jim doesn't need that kind of stress right now. And maybe the young woman in question will notice his pain and help him out.

And my mind is no clearer now than when I left Vegas. I have decided I'm most likely not going to teach full time. As much as I'm enjoying this short course I just don't think that teaching the same thing over and over will offer enough of a mental challenge to keep me interested. And being around college students really makes me feel my age in a way that nothing else does. I'm not sure about consulting because of how much travel time that would require and I can't steal my boys away that often. I'm going in circles and I know it. Maybe I check my email and go read in bed. I'm still just tired.


	8. Greg 2

5/18/7

I want Gil home and I want him home now. The lab sucks in a way it never has before. When I went in tonight I was so excited because I'd just started my first arson investigation with Nicky and we were planning to review the tests run during the day and then he was going to teach me about the fire modeling software. He's really making an effort to take over Gil's role as teacher/mentor at the lab for me and it means a lot because someone is still willing to listen to my insane questions and actually give me an answer.

So when I actually go to work and into the break room Catherine ordered me to the computer lab to do research on her homicide investigation. I'm totally cool with the fact that people still see me as a lab rat and, as a CSI 1, I know I have to do what I'm told but she was such a total bitch about it. When I made the mistake of asking her about my case and where Nick was she totally bit my head off. I miss Gil so much. He has that commanding presence and he never needs to raise his voice because he knows we'll all do what he tells us to, maybe with the exception of Catherine. I overheard her in Gil's office the day he left saying that she was going to work a case, take a road trip and almost totally blew off Gil's concern about the lab. And even if Gil totally runs me over at the lab he's gotten really creative about apologizing when we get home. That man has a wonderful mouth and he really knows how to use it.

So even after I found a bunch of shit for Catherine, she was still in queen bitch mode. I suppose I didn't really help things along with my comment that she's usually so quick to judge people and form an opinion about them. She just kinda looked at me.

Nicky found me while I was eating lunch and apologized for dumping me and our case like he did. I told him it was cool, that Catherine had asked for his help and he didn't have much of a choice but to do what she wanted. He just looked at me with those eyes of his, not as stunning as Gil's baby blues but still hot, and promised to make it up to me. I almost dragged him to the men's room for a little play time but held back. It was bad enough we keep forgetting to take off our rings before we leave the house and have to put them on our pendant chains when we get to the lab. There would be no way in hell we could explain away the rings like we did the pendants and, with Catherine on a major rampage, we just couldn't risk it.

The house is just too quiet. Nick and I have been keeping a stereo on in the living room but it's still just so quiet. Panther is still sulking although I can't decide who he misses more, Nevyn or Gil. I keep hoping the phone will ring. Gil calls us every day to see how we're doing and to tell us how much he misses us. He won't talk much about his classes or what he's thinking so I don't know how much this sabbatical has actually helped. I just want this month to be over with. I want Gil back and not just at home. I need him at work too. Sometimes I think he's the only one who really understands me.


	9. Gil 5

18JAN07

 

I have to admit I'd forgotten one detail about teaching and that's how the young women seem to flock to me. It's always bothered me knowing these women are attending my classes because they're more interested in me than my subject. At least Sara was smart enough to understand and like what I was teaching; for all her faults she's a very capable CSI. I only wish I could tell her the truth, help her move on as she's been chasing me for seven years and at least five of them I've been with Nicky and Greg. It could be argued, I suppose, that hiding our relationship is part of what's tiring me out but I don't think it is. Jim knows the whole truth and, remarkably, didn't even blink when he found out. I'll admit I was scared about losing his friendship and respect but he just took it all in stride. It's kind of nice that someone outside the family knows and is willing to help us keep the secret, even when it means lying to the others. And Catherine knows about Nick and me even if she never says anything.

 

I told Greg it was a good idea for them to buy the rings because the girls here just don't seem to understand anything else. I've even had a couple tell me that it was okay to cheat because I was away from home. I suppose I should be used to a certain lack of morals in today's society based on my cases but it's always so surprising when it's directed at me. I've taken to taking Nevyn to class with me and he won't let anyone I don't want around near me.

 

But this all just adds to my growing desire not to teach full time. Nick tells me I'm hot when I lecture and I've never believed him but the evidence might just force me to. I just don't want to deal with all the problems teaching would bring. It's not that I'm not enjoying myself, because I am, but this is teaching me as well. And I'd be a fool not to learn from it.

 

If I remember the schedule at the lab tonight is Keppler's first night. I hope it's slow so they have time to adjust to each other before they go out to the field. It's hard enough for someone to come into an established team/family but a big case would have Catherine in her "do it my way or else" mode and that only increases the stress level for the team. And while they're used to my rather eclectic ways I don't know how well Nicky is going to handle Catherine's supervision, not to mention Sara butting up against her. Warrick and Greg will probably just go with the flow, they usually do, but the others might have problems.

 

I wonder if I'm selfish just running away like I did. The only thing being away from the lab has shown me is how much I miss it. I'm still not sure I can go back but forensics is my life. That's something I shouldn't have forgotten. I'll have to remember to call Nicky in the morning and see how their shift went.


	10. Gil 6

21JAN07

Nick is in trouble. Not any kind of official trouble, at least not that he's telling me, but I can tell his mind is disturbed and troubled and he wants to talk to me about it but he's holding back. I've tried to tell him that all my problems are secondary to anything bothering him but he won't listen to me. I have a feeling it's all tied in to this new guy they have at the lab. I've called a couple of friends at other labs and asked about him. I've been getting mixed reports and don't know what to think. I really hope I haven't left my lab with someone who's incompetent and will hurt my people. 

The longer I'm away from Vegas the more I'm starting to realize that's where I belong. I belong with Nick and Greg and they're having to deal with so much more than they should ever have to. I can't protect them from life but I can be there to shield them from the idiots a little and be their shoulder when it's all too much. I'm ready to go home, to be with my family again.


	11. Nick 3

Jan 25 2007

I pulled a high profile homicide and we were able to locate the man who did it but he vanished on us. When I came in last night to continue the case Catherine put me on a stolen bike case and told me to take Warrick along. I just knew something was wrong by the way she was acting but couldn't put my finger on it. And Rick was just as lost. She was hiding something and all the pieces started to come together when Rick got a phone call to a crime scene and I got stuck with the bikes. Then I saw the pop cup from what I thought was my scene and found out there was another scene that matched mine and I was being kept off it and in the dark. Catherine actually ordered me to drop it.

I spoke with Greg, Warrick and Sara and told them I didn't think we could trust Catherine or Keppler. We started looking at their case and Warrick found out Brass was in on it with them. At that point I didn't know who, other than my three teammates, I could trust.

When everything was finally explained and my guy caught, it hurt. I was trying to work the puzzle and put the pieces together for the case and I got credit for it, but at that point it didn't matter much to me. Catherine was looking right at me when she was talking about the reasons for faking their scene. I could tell she had a point but I wasn't ready to forgive her that fast.

"We trust you with our lives, Catherine," I said, holding her eyes with mine. "You could have trusted us with this."

I wasn't surprised when the others agreed and then we all went back to work. But I still don't trust Catherine or Keppler. Warrick caught me at the end of shift and told me to just let it go but he just doesn't understand. I'm not mad at any of them. I'm hurt, deeply, and my heart is bruised. The fact that they could all just pass me over so easily, just shove me off on an unimportant case to try and distract me only shows me exactly how Catherine sees me as a CSI.

Greg found me in bed and I told him, after making sure he'd be okay for a weekend alone, that I was going to see Gil. I needed to see him and get a sense of balance back. To remember that I am a good CSI. That I can do my job and I'm loved by two of the greatest me on the planet. I really don't want to dump more problems on my lover but I need his help. I still haven't told him I'm coming; I want to surprise him.


	12. Greg 3

Nick is mad. I haven't seen him like this in a long time. I almost called Gil to ask his opinion on how to deal with our very pissy lover but I'm worried about putting more on Gil's mind than he already has. I know how much Gil's worried right now and I don't want to be the one responsible for dumping even more on him than he can deal with. But he picked up on something when he called and talked to Nicky. All Gil said to me about it was, "take care of him" and he'd call in the morning.

So I went up to the bedroom and found Nick buried under the covers. It was all I could do to keep from laughing. I know how much he's hurting and how he feels about Catherine's whole faked crime scene. His heart was hurting and the others at the lab think it's his pride; that he's in a snit. They're all so blind about this wonderful man, what makes him tick and how easily that big heart can be bruised. I wish I could talk to them and just tell everyone to look beneath the surface. Just look into those big puppy dog eyes and see the truth and pain that's so visible there.

Nick tried to push me away when I joined him in bed. I ducked around his arms and snuggled up against his solid chest, leeching onto him in a way that meant I'm not planning to let go any time soon.

"I'm not in the mood, Greg," Nick said, turning his head away.

"Maybe I don't want sex," I replied, tucking my head under his chin. "Maybe I just want to lie here with you. I wanted to say something at work, support you more but I wasn't sure how the others would react. Never doubt that I'm behind you 110%, Nicky. I trust you more than anyone else at that lab right now."

"I know, Greg," he sighed. "It's just so hard right now. Would you be okay here for the weekend if I went to see Gil? I really need a chance to readjust my mind."

I kissed him gently and looked down into those brown eyes that were so filled with pain. "Oh Nicky," I whispered, kissing each eye and then claimed his mouth with my own. He opened to me and rolled us over so his weight was pressing me down into the bed. "Nicky," I moaned, wrapping back around him. I guess I knew how much he needed me before he actually did himself. I was hoping if I could wear him out a little, well, a lot then he'd be able to sleep without nightmares.

"Take me," I whispered, licking his left wear. "I want to feel you in me."

"Greg," Nick moaned thrusting down against me. "Let me move, I'm not going to hurt you, I need the lube."

I knew I could move easier than he could, my arms are longer and I was able to snag the tube from under my pillow. I put it in his hand and reached down and grabbed his ass, pulling him down against me.

"I need you now, Nick," I moaned. "Please Nicky, now."

"Slow down, Greg," Nick said his voice rumbling in his chest. "We've got hours."

That was something I hadn't counted on; Nick would want to take his time and play for a while, tormenting me, making me wait. What he didn't know was that I'd set up the video camera to send the tape to Gil. I honestly hadn't counted on the sex, I was thinking that I could get Nicky talking and work through a few emotions and problems and then Gil would know what was going on when Nick showed up on his door step. But sex was good, it was really good, and as Nick's fingers penetrated me I was ready to do whatever it took to help him feel better. And it wasn't a real hardship for me either.


	13. Gil 7

26JAN07

I had the day off from classes and was working on an article when someone knocked on my front door. I sighed and put down my glasses thinking it was someone from the university wanting to talk to me again about staying. They just won't take no for an answer. When I opened the door I found my arms full of a very familiar body, much loved lips pressing against mine and Nick's tongue repossessing my mouth.

"Nick," I moaned, pulling him into the living room, pausing only to make sure the door shut and locked behind us so we wouldn't be disturbed. "What are you doing here?" I asked, rubbing my fingers over his buzz cut hair. I really wish he would grow it out again.

"I need you," Nick replied, curling up against me and nuzzling in against my neck. "I need to talk with someone who wasn't at the lab for the last few days and will be objective."

"Nicky," I said, suddenly alarmed. "What happened? What's wrong, is Greg all right? What's going on?"

He kissed my neck and sighed. "It's Catherine," he said, telling me the whole story. "It's not what they were doing so much as the trust issue. I'm supposed to trust her with my life and she's basically saying she doesn't trust me to do my damn job. How the hell am I supposed to deal with all this shit?"

"You shouldn't have to," I muttered against his hair. "I can see why Catherine agreed but she totally screwed up how she dealt with you and the others. My rather biased opinion is that Catherine knows you're the best CSI in the lab, the most Grissom-like, and you would have seen through everything in a microsecond." I pulled and maneuvered him around so he was straddling my lap. "Deep down Catherine knew I wouldn't have agreed or approved and unfairly directed that onto you. And it sounds like you were alert, took care of the team and kept your temper. I'm very proud of you, Nick. You did everything right."

"When did you get so smart?" he asked, leaning down to kiss me.

"I was born like this," I replied, licking at his lips. "I've missed you and Greg so much, Nicky. I'm ready to come home."

"Can you?" he asked, grinding down against me. "Or can I at least make you feel like we're home?"

I smiled and ran my hands down his back to his ass. "I love you, Nick," I said. "I love you so much."

Once Nick was asleep, curled up against me, I started thinking about what he'd told me. It sounded like Keppler was the one actually running the shift and Catherine wasn't able to tell him no. When I needed to leave I put my trust, faith and lab in a woman I thought was my friend and I find out she's bending under the influence of this guy. To make matters worse my lovers were in trouble and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. Technically we weren't in touch and I have no clue what's going on in Vegas. No one wanted to burden me and I know how much courage it took for Nick to come and open up to me. I caressed his face gently and kissed him. Seeing Nick made my resolve to return to my lovers all the stronger. I needed to get back to the lab and get my family back. And I needed to find some answers about who this Michael Keppler really was. It was time to put my circling problems aside for a while and take care of my lovers. That's my real job. I hated to see the pain and hurt in my Nicky's eyes and I wanted it gone as soon as possible.

Maybe Jim could help me out. I'd have to call him as soon as Nicky left to go back to Vegas. Jim knows I'm talking with Nicky and Greg, he won't wonder how I know what's going on and I trust him to keep my secrets for me. 

I wrapped Nick in my arms, pulled him in closer to me and pressed my chin against the top of his head. I inhaled his scent, memorizing it; he'd brought part of my home to me. Before sleep claimed me I made a mental note to steal one of his shirts to keep for the next two weeks.


	14. Nick 4

Jan 30, 2007

 

Going to see Gil was one of the best decisions I ever made. I didn't realize exactly how much he balances me until he was gone. What Catherine did hurt, man, it hurt bad to basically be told by a coworker "I do not trust you - go away." But talking things out with Gil helped a lot, he's knows Catherine longer than I have an, while I still say she's been a first class bitch to me, Greg and the others, I don't feel like I'm going to be biting her head off any time soon.

 

So it turns out that Gil has been more than a little lonely out here all by himself; he barely let me out of bed the whole weekend. I don't think I'll be sitting down at the lab any time soon (Greg just laughed and flopped onto our bed on his back, legs spread to welcome me home) but at least Gil's gonna have to stay standing to lecture. Maybe that'll drive it home to those sex-crazed students of his that he's taken and its forever. 

 

Gil's grown his bead back and I'm going to have to insist on him shaving the first chance he gets. How are Greg and I supposed to welcome him home properly if we can't really kiss him and have to be careful of his face? None of us want to explain whisker burn for any reason. I've got a couple of places I'm not going to let see the light of day (the dark of night? - you know what I mean) for a while. Gil says I have a talented mouth but I've got nothing on him when he goes into his whole lecture/focused mode. I'm just glad there were a few pillows handy for me to grab, otherwise that neighbors might have starting complaining about all the noise.

 

I've got Greg leaning over my shoulder, nibbling on my left ear telling me to go into more detail about my weekend with Gil, where we did it and how often. There are times I'd swear he's sex-starved if not for the fact that he's got - Go Away Greg - Gil and me around and neither of us have ever been able to tell him no. And they say I've got puppy dog eyes.


	15. Gil 8

01FEB07

I don't know that I've been this tired since Greg, Nick and I first got together. Seeing Nicky, being able to hold him and love him, if even for 48 hours made my body decide it was a teenager again. We didn't get out of bed the entire weekend and I seriously doubt either of us will be sitting comfortable for a few days. But it was well worth it, Nick was purring when he left this morning before my first class. He said he was going to get a later flight and come to my lecture so he could see me acting all hot again. I'm sure my students thought I was insane when I checked my podium and under my desk before I began. As much as I love Nicky I don't think I could make my brain function properly and lecture if he were to hide and then blow me while I was talking. Although the idea does have merit once I'm home again.

I called Jim before he went of shift and asked him two questions: first - what was his personal opinion of Michael Keppler and second - what was his professional opinion of Michael Keppler. My contacts around the east coast were pulling up mainly rumors and everything I heard was just making me more and more anxious to be home with my partners in Vegas.

It turns out that Jim isn't too happy about the whole *staged crime scene* that had Nick so upset. It seems that one of the higher-ups didn't tell the DA everything and they refused to file on certain charges because she couldn't tell fact from fiction. A fiction my lab created when Keppler opened his mouth and Catherine followed him. I asked Jim if any orders were given to the lab and he said no. No one but Keppler seemed excited about the fake crime scene and that made Jim start thinking. He said he didn't want to discuss most of the info he had over the phone and would email it to me so I could form my own opinions.

And half an hour later I had the information and was just starting to read when it hit me. I left Vegas to try and find myself and I had, in effect, opened the door to a threat to my lab in this Michael Keppler. I've been living in the world of forensics for so long it is me; I am a forensic too and I was going to have to use all my powers and knowledge to figure out this new puzzle. My doubt was gone.

And I found another email - my wild haired imp is coming to see me tomorrow. I miss them so much, my partners, and I can't wait to be back in our house, in our bed making love with them. My eyes drifted closed as I thought about being buried in Nick, thrusting gently, while Greg takes me from behind. I think that's what I want my first night home, as much as we can. And I have to remember to tell them both how much I love them.


	16. Nick 5

Feb 1, 2007

Catherine actually paired Greg and me up on a dead body/arson call at the start of the night. But I knew it was too good to be true and, sure enough, Keppler showed up. I still don't know what to make of this guy. I mean Gil can be Mr. Iceman at work, but this dude could honestly give him a run for his money. I can't wait until Gil comes home and they meet. Greg told me Warrick's actually got a pool running on how long it'll be until their first argument.

So our victim was torched and Greg found a second point of ignition. He's making so much progress, I'm so proud of him, luckily he knows how to read my eyes and expressions so I can let it show at work and no one but Gil ever seems to notice. I was talking with Greg and Keppler while David loaded the vic for transport to see Doc and I just couldn't resist. Maybe it was seeing Gil like I did but as Keppler was walking away I called after him, "well you know what Grissom would say about this."

"Something ironic, I'm sure," David commented, as he wheeled the body past me.

Greg and I made eye contact and almost started laughing. David was right, Gil would have come up with an obscure quote or pun or something to get our minds working. So many people think Gil's crazy and he probably is. There's a fine line after all. Sara told me about catching Keppler in Gil's office looking at the models and the man hinting that Gil was a serial killer. It's probably just as well I wasn't there because I would've punched him and consequences be damned.

Greg also managed to find some key information on the clinics; he's a marvel with computers although I still say he's spending too much time around Archie. I wish more people would tell Greggo he's doing a good job. He's got this damn civil suit hanging over his head and he's still in the lab every night doing his job the best he can and still being the clown I first - Go Away Greg - fell in love with. Being Gil's student I'm used to strange remarks or silence when I do/did something right (although I do get a lot of moans now) Greg likes to me told he's doing something right. Maybe I mention it to Jim and Warrick. I know they'll understand.


	17. Gil 9

02FEB07

I spent the morning in class, my mind on my lab and what's going on there. The reports Jim sent me only increased my concern and anxiety. I know he's watching my partners as much as they're watching him but I also know Catherine will take exception if Jim says anything to her about how she's treating Nick and Greg. I've got a certain sense of foreboding about my return in a week. It's remarkable how fast time seems to pass and yet it feels like years since I left Vegas.

I stopped at the store for some food. I've been eating out a lot because I don't want to buy food and not be able to finish it before I leave. That's another reason not to change my life, I'd miss Nick and Greg's attempts at cooking. This time away has shown me how happy I actually was as far as my personal life is concerned. I'm still not sure what or who caused this burned out feeling but the time away has helped me to relax and also put things in perspective. My place is at home in Vegas with Nick and Greg.

So when I got to my apartment the moment I unlocked the front door I knew someone was inside. I would have been worried except for the fact that I could smell vanilla and knew that Greg had broken into my place. I smiled and took my time in the kitchen putting everything away before I made my way to the bedroom.

It was a wonderful sight, so wonderful that I just stood in the doorway for a moment and just stared at the picture in front of me. Greg was lying in the middle of the bed, naked, his skin glowing in the flickering candlelight from the tea candles he'd set around the room.

"Did you miss me, Gil?" he asked, running his hand over his chest.

"Every day," I replied, stripping off my shirt. "I'm glad you're here, Greg. I just wish you and Nicky could have come at the same time."

"Only with you, Gil," Greg purred. "Now why don't you get over here and show me exactly how much you missed me?"

How could I resist such a request? It's amazing how my lovers can inspire me to move so fast. It seemed only a second before I was naked in the bed with Greg wrapped around me. I'd almost forgotten how soft Greg's mouth was, how warm it was and how well he fit around me. My mind flashed back to when Nick was kidnapped and Greg spoke without thinking and the two of us almost lost the best things in our lives. If it hadn't been for Nick's quick thinking I'd have walked away from the best things that ever happened to me.

"Gil, quit thinking so hard," Greg muttered, kissing my neck. "I know how sore you must be, Nicky can barely walk, but I'm feeling fine."

I ran my hands down his back "Yes you are," I replied, rolling us so I was on top.

"Are you ready for me?"

"Always," he said, wrapping his long legs around my hips.

I moaned as I pressed home. "Missed you so much," I whispered kissing him behind his left ear. "I'm so glad you're here."

"Are you planning to move any time soon?" Greg asked, arching up against me.

"In this your wish is my command," I said, capturing his mouth in a kiss.


	18. Greg 4

2/2/7

Catherine was so not happy when I asked for the weekend off. She made a couple of comments about Nick wanting time off and then as soon as he got back I wanted to leave. She didn't ask what was going on, not that we would have told her anyway (Gil is our secret) but at least she approved my leave. I think I'd go crazy waiting another week to see Gil again.

I was almost bouncing when I got off the plane, even thought it was colder than I thought it would be. I made a quick stop at a store for some supplies and then caught a cab to Gil's apartment. He wasn't home but Nick's been teaching me to pick locks and it only took me a minute to get the door open. I relocked the door behind me and made my way to the bedroom. Gil actually made the bed. I couldn't help but smile and quickly pulled the blankets to the floor before setting the small candles I'd bought around the room. Nick had given me a copy of Gil's teaching schedule so I knew I had about half an hour to wait and patience has never been my strong suit. I spent some time digging around the apartment, read his journal and then finally made my way to the bedroom. I stripped out of my clothes and flopped down on the bed, smiling at the smell of lavender and vanilla. Gil told me he'd found my present and was using it, but it was nice to see it was on the bed keeping him company.

When I heard the door open my heart leapt but Gil went to the kitchen first and then made his way back to us. I smiled as he just stood in the doorway watching me for a moment, almost as if he had to reassure himself that I was actually there.

Later he curled around me and went to sleep. I stayed awake for a few minutes, just listening to him breathe. I couldn't wait to have him home again, back in our bed where he belonged. And now that I knew what he wanted for his first night home, I'd get it set up with Nick. Gil needed something special for his welcome home party and only Nick and I could make it as special as it really needed to be.


	19. Gil 10

08FEB07 

My actors, my hearts, my life. Nick and Greg were so good at playing surprised when I got back to the lab tonight. Of everyone I think Warrick was the most surprised to see me, especially when I showed up at his crime scene to help. Maybe Nicky is a better actor than we gave him credit for; maybe the others at the lab really believed that I wasn't coming back. I'll admit I thought about it seriously but I'm definitely home. And I'm really glad to be back.

We got to see how good an actor I am too. I had to act surprised and upset when Warrick told me about the whole "reverse forensics" that Keppler ran with. It seems my people know me better than I know myself as they weren't the least surprised by my feelings on that case. But they kept a lot of it back from me, almost like they were embarrassed about the whole incident. I'm glad Nicky and Greggo told me about it as it was happening otherwise I'd be in the dark to Keppler's real nature.

I'm still not sure what to make of him. I could tell there was a problem when I caught up to him in the hall; it was almost like he was trying to hide evidence from me but gave in. Unless he's really good at slight of hand he wasn't able to swap the evidence.

It seems the mixed reports were correct. Keppler wasn't a bad cop, he was a man who made a bad decision based on bad evidence. He tried to protect that which he loved and broke the law. Keppler was kept out of jail by the actual suspect and I'm both glad and upset that it came to head here in Vegas. My lab is by far the best to interpret his other cases and I only hope he was telling the truth when he told Catherine they were all clean, except for his murder in New Jersey.

And now I understand why Catherine treated Jim the way she did. She had feelings for Keppler. And she wasn't able to leave them at home the way I am finally able to do for Nick and Greg. But I've had years of practice and I haven't always been as good at it as I am now. I need to talk to Catherine about everything that happened while I was away, to see if her report tallies with what Greg and Nick have told me. I suppose I also need to talk with her about her feelings for and about Keppler and that's a talk I'm not looking forward to having. I'm not supposed to know about anything that happened while I was away so I'm going to have to be careful about what I say. She's a good CSI and she can read the evidence. I taught her well.


	20. Nick 6

Feb 8, 2007

I'm so happy that Gil's home. Only Greg and I know about it at this point, at least until he shows up at the lab tonight. I suppose it showed a little when I went to my crime scene tonight. I was practically bouncing until Keppler showed up. But I managed to joke with him about his clothes. Gil told us a little about his research on the man and his unease at having him in the lab. 

It was so easy to fall back into my role as Gil's student, backing him up with everything I have. I guess I didn't realize how much I actually missed his presence in the labs. It's so calming, no matter how much I actually do still fly off the handle I know he's there and he's got my back. I also know I'll hear about it once I get home but I don't mind as much because I know he's willing to listen to me before he starts lecturing. And as I think he's so damn hot in lecture mode he normally doesn't get too far before I've got him pinned somewhere.

And it finally turned out that Keppler wasn't a dirty cop or a suspect. He was tangled up in a mess he created for himself years ago that he didn't know how to get out of. It's amazing what we'll do for those we love, to protect them from harm. I have the feeling Gil's going to be a little more protective than usual as he's been gone for a month and he's got to settle back in again. He thinks he abandoned us to Keppler and Catherine and the danger they put the lab in. The reverse forensics case will come back to haunt us for a while and Gil won't really be able to do anything to save us. The one plus side is that Greg and I didn't have anything to do with the actual fake crime scene so Gil doesn't have to worry about our careers, only the lab. And I know he considers the lab his family. It has to hurt.


	21. Greg 5

2/8/7

I only worked half a shift so I'm not entirely sure what was going on at the lab, only that Keppler went crazy and off on his own. Gil asked me to hit the A/V lab with Arch and see if we could track him with the GPS on the Denali and we did for a while. But Keppler was too hip to us and pulled the antenna so we couldn't track him. But I remembered that most of the department personnel's cell phones had GPS systems and we managed to track him through that, to a point. Then I got the unenviable job of helping Gil clean up his office. It's amazing how much paperwork and mail stacked up in there while he was gone. And that big box that Nicky is so concerned about is still sitting on his desk; he didn't have time to open it. He had to go out into the field to help Catherine and she was really broken up when we came back. I'm not sure what happened while they were out because no one's talking. But it probably had to do with Keppler getting shot.

So while I was home I spent the evening setting up the bedroom for Gil's "welcome home" party. I dug out the good sheets, black silk, dumped the pillows into the closet and set out my favorite oils and lubes on the bedside table. Then I got out candles and set them around our bedroom and then set up the video camera. It was a moment I wasn't planning to miss. I agree with Nicky; I'm so happy that Gil's home, back in Vegas and our house where he belongs.


End file.
